Every night at 8:00 pm he would call me.
Every night at 8pm
my world stopped.
No matter where I was
or what I was doing-
At 8pm, I was safe and sound at home, getting ready for bed.
He loved me.
I’d hang up the phone
and reconsider my life
as I rationalized the
lies I told him at 8pm.
Because sometimes I was not at home getting ready for bed.
I didn’t want him to worry about me.
I wanted him to sleep in peace.
They were good lies.
Then I remember you the first time that call didn’t come.
Near the end, he had the delicate skin of a fragile old man who shook from Parkinson’s.
He had the most beautiful soul and spirit.
He was so frail and full of honesty and love.
84years of life and love he gave me.
He shared his wisdom-
The latter half of that life, he had held the purest and most perfect & unconditional love for me.
But one day, i would give anything to be able to tell him I am
safe and sound
at home, getting ready for bed.
He was tired and needed sleep.
He always told me he loved me more when I made mistakes because it was at those times I needed love more.
Love like his came from God.
Love like his was unconditional.
He knew unconditional love would help get me through the harder times in life.
We all need love too make it through this life.
I was an imperfect daughter.
I was human and I would surely make mistakes, we all do.
Mistakes are there for us to learn from and human beings are always reinventing ourselves.
It didn’t mean I was a bad person, but that it was a bad time.
Making mistakes didn’t mean we aren’t still worthy of being loved.
It means we need more love.
He said no matter how old I got, or what happened, I’d always be his little girl.
He loved me.
It was 8pm May 10;2010.
I knew his call wouldn’t come that night, he had passed away that morning.
I didn’t know what to do.
I stared at the phone all night.
I shouldn’t bother being near a phone, I told myself, but I had to, just in case, somehow, there was a way he could contact me from the other side.
We had promised to find the way, if it existed.
I didn’t cry though. Not then. Not yet.
I knew he was gone, and that he loved me.
I knew that his love was unconditional.
i knew love like hisw would never come to me from anyone else.
I knew he’d finally found peace in his sleep- that night and every night.
I knew he wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore.
I knew I’d never have to lie to him, even if it was a good lie.