Unconditional love


Every night at 8:00 pm he’d call me
Every night at 8pm
my world stopped
No matter where I was
or what I was doing
At 8pm
I was safe and sound
at home
Getting ready for bed
& he loved me.
I’d hang up the phone
and reconsider my life for a brief moment
as I rationalized the
lies I told
him
So he wouldn’t worry about me
So he could sleep
They were good lies
Then I remember
So vividly
The first time that call didn’t come.
I had no choice but to sit idly by
As the truth was told
i was in jail
He took a bus,
He was denied a visit with arriving during off hours
But he insisted and got angry
slapped his bar card
on the jailers desk.
They complied with him
He was an attorney after all.
I cried as I saw him
Sitting on the other side of the glass
In the form of a fragile old man
who shookfrom Parkinson’s
Who had the most beautiful soul
He was so frail and full of
honesty and love.
he said to me
“I knew something was wrong”
84years of life and wisdom-
The latter half of that life
he had held the purest
most perfect & unconditional love for me.

“I called all night”

As he told me, all I could do was cry, thinking of how many nights I lied
But that day, i would have given anything to be
safe and sound
at home, getting ready for bed.
he made that happen, he posted my bond that afternoon just to be able
to call me at 8pm that night.
He was tired and needed sleep
I told him I was gettng ready for bed
(Actually, I hadn’t made it home yet).
I thanked him for my freedom and said I was sorry he had to see me in jail
He told me he loved me more than ever before, especially when I made mistakes because love like his came from God, was unconditional, and needed to be stronger when I messed up, in order to get me through the harder times in life. We all need love too make it through this life.
I was an imperfect human and would surely make mistakes .
After all. Mistakes are there for us to learn from, it didn’t mean I wasnt still worthy of being loved, it meant I needed more love. He said no matter how old I got, or what happened,   I’d always be his little girl. He loved me.

Then I so vividly remember
the second time the call didn’t come.
It was 8pm
May 11;2010
I knew it wouldn’t come and I didn’t know what to do.
I stared at the phone all night.
I shouldn’t bother being near a phone, I told myself, but I had to, just in case, somehow, there was a way
If there was a way, we had promised to find the way.
I didn’t cry though. Not then .
I knew he loved me
I knew that love would never come from anyone else
I knew he’d sleep that night and every night,and i knew he wouldn’t worry about me anymore
.
I knew I’d never have to lie to him again because
he’d never call again
..
At 8pm
,& tell me he loves me.
Happy Birthday, Daddy
I love you so much
I miss you even more
I miss knowing
you
would always be there for me
And if you couldn’t be there for me,
you would look for a way
to get to me.
I miss your calls at 8pm.
Knowing every day that I wasn’t alone
in this world, even rho now I am.
alone in this world.
Why is it that way, daddy?
You’re the only one whose love never failed.
That no natter.what I did,
where I went,
how I looked,
How I felt,
It mattered not

You were there
each night
who had to tell me you loved me just so I’d know,
‘Just in case’
  you’d say.
in case you didn’t wake up.
I was so lucky to have someone who’d call me
just hear my voice in order to find peace
enough to sleep
sound. Someone who would check on me
To make sure I was OK.
Never forgetting
Never being too busy
I’m not OK without you
I miss you.so much.
Have you found our perfect tree yet?
I know you’re waiting for me to build our tree house
in Heaven.
Until I get there Daddy please watch over my children.
I don’t know how to call them at 8pm to tell them they are not alone in this world. To make sure they’re OK.
Will you do that for me until I get there,  please? Thank you Daddy.
I can’t wait to see you again.
Love, you’re little girl

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